Rick Hulett: Blog

Yep, it seems like I've just had a whirlwind of gigs. I've been trying to send out notes about them, but usually its to tell people about the gigs I just had.

That's really all I want. Good gigs where I get to play and lose myself in it. Since almost dying I think I play differently. I know now deep in my bones that this is all going to end. Everything we know, the way your face looks, your friends,  your family, everything you know, it's all going to have an end. It's finite. The number of gigs I have left to play in my life is finite and winding down. Maybe it's a few years worth, maybe it's 20 years worth, I don't know, but I know it's a finite number.This could be the last time.
 
These days when I play, I seem to play from that knowledge. I try and dig down deep into that place, immerse myself, bathe in it. Sometimes I'm distracted and I can't stay there very long, but other times I go deep and I hit something. That's what I want, more of that, all the time more. I'm searching, to see what I can find.
 
I just had a string of good gigs and I'm looking at some more coming up. I love this music stuff. I love getting my gear [...]

After playing a cool gig on pedal steel with Barlow Road yesterday afternoon, Sharon and I went out to Relay for Life. If you don't know what it is, it's a fundraiser for the American Cancer Society. You can make a donation and get a paper bag. You write the name of a a cancer survivor or someone that didn't make it on the bag and put a little light inside. The bags are placed in a circle around a track and people walk and walk, getting donations for how far they walk. I had a vague uneasiness about going and I didn't know why. After we got our bags and placed them on the track we began to walk. The bags created a beautiful golden light and it was an incredible scene but I began to feel more and more uncomfortable. On the second lap, the full realization of the meaning of the bags hit me and I burst into uncontrollable sobbing and tears. The pain and sorrow represented by the bags was just too much for me. After a few laps my sobbing subsided to the point that I could talk and I began to [...]

Tim got me watching Treme on HBO. If you haven't seen it, it's about post Katrina musicians in New Orleans. One thing about those guys, no matter the adversity, they're always up for a party and a parade. And really, why the hell not?  I've gotten some e-mail from friends expressing concern, but really nothing's changed here. Nothing to worry about. I'm just enjoying the amazing fact that we exist at all.  When you really think about it logically, we should all be out in the streets everyday asking "Hey! What's going on here? How did we get here? What are we supposed to do now?" It really is the main question. And the answer is More Parties! More Parades!

That's what I'm thinking. You have to fight decay. Not just tooth decay, but all decay. It's inevitable and you'll lose, but still you have to fight it. Because, really what else is there? There's just decay if you don't fight it. You have to make a choice. You have to try to make order out of the chaos because really there is no other option. Every instant you're making a choice whether you know it or not. Order vs. chaos. What if by conciously choosing order over chaos, you influence the outcome. Some sort of quantum entanglement process. What if you could do this for longer and longer periods of time and begin to feel some sort of awakening? As if you'd developed a new sense organ. But one, much more subtle than any of the others. Wouldn't that be an incredible thing that if by believing in something strong enough you could actually create what you were believing in? I want to believe that this is possible. I want to believe that it works this way. That if I believe strongly enough it [...]